I don’t want to be a dude...

Here’s something that I have been thinking about lately, where I KNOW I am not the only woman that struggles with this paradox. 

How can an alpha woman balance both her masculine side and her feminine side? How can we embrace both sides of us so that one doesn’t overtake the other?

My personality is of “greater yang.” Every personality test puts me at a Commander. I am an ENTJ-A. I am an extravert, intuitive woman who thinks more than I feel. My assertive level is off the charts and I will find a way to make something happen, or I will make my own way. I am self-programmed to be tough, to be no-nonsense, straight-forward with no BS. Alpha, Type-A to the extreme. The “hustle” is natural to me and I thrive on it. It has made me wildly successful in business. I flourish on solving problems, taking charge, leading, having big dreams and goals and keeping my eye on my goals ahead. I GSD (get shit done). I have no problem juggling 100 things at a time and I don’t need help with anything. I am basically a man in a skirt.

I have talked about this in prior blogs...how us women have to be strong, “working in a man’s world” if we want to be successful in business. We have to be “dude-like” if we want to do well. It is true. We have to be assertive and draw clear boundaries. It is just the way it is and I am perfectly ok with it...at work.

However, on the personal side of my life, I DON’T want to be like a dude. Not one bit. Every strong, successful woman that I know feels the exact same way. While we are like the men at work, we do NOT want to be like the men at home...and this is where the struggle is real.

I want to be taken care of (for lack of better words) at home. I want security...comfort. I want to know that everything is going to be ok. I want to turn off the “work Jen” and turn on the Jen that is feminine and soft. It is harder to do than you would think. Slowly, over the years, I have been working on this. It is just that lately, I have felt myself more and more wanting to shift my balance to the more feminine side of myself and to embrace it. I want the man to be the man and me...the woman in the relationship...in the old-school biblical sense.

How do us strong women flip that switch? It is not easy. We have to let go. Whether we like it or not, two “masculine” sides in a relationship just doesn’t work. It never ever will. In order to balance, someone has to be the masculine one and the other, the feminine one. Your man wants to be with a woman, not a clone of himself.

Over the years, we have been taught so much about feminism and that has changed some things for the better...but I truly believe that there is a dirty side to all of that. I believe that feminism is also toxic when it comes to relationships. I don’t know about you, but I don’t WANT to be like my guy. I want to be treated like a woman. Ladies, let me tell you...there is nothing better than being with a man that is the true spiritual leader of your home...a man who opens your doors, cares for you, provides for you, stands up for you...a man who is a man.

We have to realize that we do NOT have to do everything on our own. We don’t HAVE to struggle by myself. We do NOT have to constantly prove ourselves to our partners, we CAN receive. We have to accept that there is someone that is willing to take care of us emotionally and provide the comfort and security that our souls crave so very much. We don’t have to always be the leaders...the commanders. 

We need to slow our rolls!! Accept help. Listen to your gut more. Be playful. Let your man be “the man.” We need to have roles in our families where we have our dudes by our sides. We don’t have to push so hard...stress so hard...prove a damn thing to anyone.

Value and embrace the beauty that we have both within and outside of us. That doesn’t mean being a shallow person. It just means that we need to adopt our femininity and the parts of us that makes us beautiful. We need to enhance our natural beauty and appreciate our true nature.

We need to connect to our feminine energy. That wild energy that flows within us that so many of us have stomped so far down you can’t even see it’s light any more. We have to stop going against our feminine nature.

What makes you feel the most beautiful and sexy? Do more of that.

What do you like to create? Create more.

Spend time in silence, prayer and meditation.

Spend less time on social media and watching the news.

Give yourself permission to relax and just “be.”

Accentuate the positives in your physical beauty.

Study femininity and what it means to be feminine.

Let the man lead.







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